I don’t think it’s cute when girls are mean to their boyfriends.

Hi. Here is a list of things that are wrong with this picture that I saw on tumblr:

1) Ok. Say the genders here were reversed. And say the girl was a friend of yours. If your friend had a boyfriend who yelled at her and told her he hated her, she was a dumbass, and she should go to hell, and she responded by kissing him and being like “I love you”… would you not be seriously concerned for that friend? Would you not be like, “Hon, that boy needs to get dumped, and you need to get counseling, because it’s not ok for people to treat you like that.”

And you know what, if the genders weren’t reversed, and I had a guy friend whose girlfriend treated him like that, ditto.

2) I feel like this is a modern romantic meme, and it bums me out. This idea of a fantasy relationship where the guy finds everything the girl does, no matter how angry she gets, “cute” and “lovable” and it makes him want to go “boop” on her nose like in Superbad… that shit drives me the bonkers. It’s like a girl’s anger isn’t real; it’s adorable. When she’s furious, it’s not because she has a legitimate reason to be angry, or that the two of you have to work through whatever happened to make her so furious, or that she has serious rage control issues… it’s that she had a wittle temper tantrum and if you kiss her everything will be all better. PUKEty PUKE PUKE PUKE.

3) I’m a fan of the golden rule. And in this article about boys’ self esteem, there was a chunk on the second page that rang sad-but-true to me:

“Boys used to be a scourge on middle school girls, snapping their bras and things like that,” said Thompson. “We defined this as sexual harassment and so they stopped. They knew they could get into trouble. But seventh-grade girls telling boys they’re stupid and lazy doesn’t get them into trouble.”

“Girls say that all the time!” said Jon, a senior at a private high school in New York. “They call you stupid, lazy, and immature, and they hit you, but you can’t hit back.”

“Sure girls hit,” said Ariel, a junior at a large public school. “They do it when no one is looking because they know you’re not allowed to hit back. But what are you going to do? That’s how it is. Don’t forget they call it girl power, not boy power.”

While I think it’s pretty deeply debatable that middle school boys have “stopped” sexually harassing girls… I hate that you can already hear the backlash against feminism brewing in those guys’ statements. To them, the debasing treatment they’re receiving at the hands of girls who behave that way is tied to “girl power” — in their minds, the empowerment of girls is now linked to guys taking the brunt, getting verbally and physically beat up on, feeling powerless against a machine that favors girls. The seeds of misogyny, or at least distrust of feminism, are planted.

I kind of feel like it’s girls’ duty to call out their friends on behavior like this as uncool. (Just like I think it’s guys’ duty to call out their friends on treating girls like shit.)

What’s your take on it?

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  1. Elyse
    Posted March 25, 2011 at 2:24 pm | Permalink

    This is definitely a problem… I still see this stuff in college. Possibly even worse than in high school because people my age are not afraid to say what they want anymore because they know that even if they lose friends because of it, there are plenty more around the corner. In college, gossip doesn’t really travel far about a certain person because campus’s are usually so big that not everyone knows each other.

  2. Posted June 12, 2011 at 4:24 pm | Permalink

    Completely agree…
    I find it hard to see anything cute about an angry girl (or person in general) unless we are talking about an adorable baby who’s struggling to make his/hers toy bears behave!
    Friends should stop this behavior if they see it. However, way to often it’s just a taboo to be telling your friends how to behave. Good topic! 🙂

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